Time in a Bottle

Time in a Bottle.

Time and place have always been a really hard thing for me to understand. I can remember being a very young child and having a connection to spirit that the adults around me were shocked by. They, being evangelical Christians, saw me as touched by their god. I know now that all gods are the same, that it was a universal consciousness which they saw and that I did, and do still, connect with. Even as that very young child though, it was hard for me to understand how time worked because I was able to see things in both moments future and those past. I have always been able to see time, and place, as a web instead of a line. For this reason time travel was vastly intriguing to me. I read a great deal of books and read and listened to many theories about how possible time travel could be or mechanisms in which it could occur. I guess I was looking to connect with someone else who understood time the way that I did since everyone who I tried to explain this to just got more confused. They never treated me as though I were crazy, they were interested in this precocious child and what I had to say but couldn't figure me out. I guess that is why I wound up around people who as an adult I know get classified as crazy by most of culture. I see the curiosity in their genius.

As much as I may understand time being a volume, the reality that I live in with everyone else in this shared consciousness does follow a line and I must frequently work hard to accommodate living in line with that shared awareness of how time works. Today, I have many places where I want to live. I want to paddle board, to write, to be with the cat, and to read. I long to study my maps of the island, to travel, and to fuck as much as possible. I want to cook and to clean and to complete the several commissions that I have on the go. Deciding where to put my energy when I want to be doing all of those is quite the challenge for me.

Soon, Anna will go to post secondary and her bedroom will become my space for creativity. Currently my supplies for craft are all over the house. Quilting is downstairs, paints and scrap booking are under the couch, my airbrush is under the stairs, pyrography is on a shelf in the shed, my drawing supplies are in a bag near the door. When that room becomes my space, I will have all of these things in one area and I wonder if that conquering of the space challenge will allow me to focus my time more precisely. I think I will still, like this morning, long to delve into several areas at once but by having a dedicated space, I might be able to focus that desire. I think I will still pursue multiple jobs simultaneously but by having a space to point my energy through, like a laser, I will be able to let heat build and not be snuffed out the way that a fire is when too much material is fed before it can ignite. I am very aware of too much food snuffing out a spark. I have done it to myself through most of my life.

Today, or tomorrow or yesterday, I am not sure what one of those this moment is, I got this piece of writing challenge done. In the moment after this, I have no idea where I will be. I see myself in several places. I probably am in all of them. Which ones get shared with others in this timeline are considered real but I am aware that we have more than this moment.